Spirit
by Rulz
Summary: A short story focussing on Kai's Christmas.


Oks. It's that time of year again (Christmas if you hadn't realised), so just to get you into the spirit, I have written a short story about Kai's take on Christmas! Don't get me wrong- this isn't going to be all about turkeys and presents. In fact, this is kind of a sad story. But anyways, read on to find out what it's about!

In this fic, I have made Kai seem a lot older in the abbey then he supposedly is in the show.

This was just to make the story blend together more. ^_~ And we all know he was described as Boris as a feisty kid. (Thanks Emily for all the facts etc!!)

Apart from that, I hope you enjoy this one!! Or at least….respond to it!

And please review at the end!!!

Spirit

_There he was. _

She looked at him from beneath the hood of her woollen cloak, his tall figure distant and dark against the sharp white of the layer of deep snow encompassing the lands. 

She shivered. _After all this time……__ After all she'd been through……_

It was what she'd been searching for, what she'd worked so hard to do for so long……..

And she didn't know how to respond.

Her mind was filled with a whirlwind of confused, wrought feelings. She could not comprehend exactly how she felt. All she understood was that although she should have been happy, she wasn't.

A lone tear fell down her cheek as she watched him.

It was her fault he was like this. It was her fault that he blocked everyone, that he had no contact, that he didn't know her………

She had come there today to make it better. Pay him back, for all the trouble and pain she'd caused. To right the wrongs. 

But what she hadn't realised was that coming here today would confuse her even more…………..would rouse feelings which were so strange and unfamiliar, and upsetting that she felt as though she would burst…….

The tears fell steadily now, hot trickles down her cheeks.

Again, she had failed him. Failed him in the worst possible way.

But as she watched him standing in the snow, pretending to observe those around him as he waited, she tried to block the most horrible realisation of all. The thing she had feared most. What she had travelled there to right. But she couldn't resist.  

Because the fact was, she had made it worse. 

Because as she watched him there, in the snow, standing away from the rest of his group, she was sorry even more. She wanted to go over to him, wanted to speak to him, to say how sorry she was……..

But there was nothing she could do.

Except watch. Silent.

Alone.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

~Some time before~  

The frosty wind blew across the moors. The lakes in Russia were frozen over, the harsh winters settling in, leaving their icy wake over the land.

Kai Hiwatari was sitting on a bench in one of the popular parks of Moscow. The snow was falling softly, driving the excited children around him into excited fits of giggles and the typical and expected snowball fights. 

He did not flinch, or even seem to acknowledge the snowball which seemingly flew straight at him, only missing his face by mere inches.

He was deep in thought.

Christmas was the time in which you were supposed to be happy. The mass of active children around him confirmed that. 

But the fact was, Christmas to him was just another hurdle to get through.

He sighed to himself, and looked up at the delicate snowflakes drifting down towards him. 

He hated this. This feeling of self-pitying. It was pathetic. In fact, he hated people who sat around moping, complaining that their lives were not crystal clear or a symbol of happiness. 

Which was why he hated Christmas.

The rest of the time, he was okay. Sure, sometimes at night, after a particularly rough day, he would sit in his dormitory, thinking to himself all the bad things that had happened to him. 

But after all that had happened…..after all that was happening……

He'd learnt not to feel. 

He'd learnt not to care.

And that, to him, was just fine. It was the best way to get through the obstacle that was ………….well, life. If you were cold and unfeeling, you were less likely to get hurt.

Just like he had been hurt as a child.

Suddenly, a kid on a sledge zoomed past, sending snow flying all over him, and missing his feet by an inch. Kai glared at him. But he didn't say anything. Normally, he would have done something about that boy. He would have yelled perhaps. Would have tracked him down, would have told him off, would have challenged him to some kind of Beyblade battle, just to kick his ass.    

But he didn't.

And that was because his attention was elsewhere.

And his attention was on the pale brown envelope which had been dropped by his feet.

_What is this, some kind of scene from a detective novel?_ he thought, smirking. 

What was next? Once he picked it up, would there be some kind of "this will self destruct in five seconds" warning?

Still smirking, he picked it up.

It was immaculate- a perfect envelope, folded over neatly, without a crease in sight.

Rather nonchalantly, he opened the flap.

A smooth, pure creamy note fell out. "Kafner Avenue."  That was it. No explanation, no details, just two simple words imprinted onto the paper.

Kai sighed. He didn't have time for games. Couldn't the person who wanted him to go to Kafner Avenue just tell him what he would find there?

But the truth was, as pathetic as it sounded, he was going to go anyway. Because one rather pitiable thought, although he tried to resist it, kept nagging at his brain- it wasn't as if he had anything better to do. 

So, he got up, wiped the snow off his long coat, and headed towards Kafner Avenue, the sun glistening off the snow.

                                    *                      *                      *

Kafner Avenue was located in the heart of the city. And boy, was Christmas apparent here. 

The streets were swarming with characters. Mothers, fathers, children……….The city was bursting with life, with people obviously affected by the Christmas spirit, laughing and smiling, happy at the prospect of receiving and giving presents.

But there was one exception.

And Kai hated the fact that it was him.

He tried to focus solely on his destination, and tried to forget the grinning children and giggling teenagers pass him.

But it was difficult.

The windows of the shops lining the sidewalk were dressed for the season- Christmas trees sparkled, decorations glittered, the tinsel shimmered. Festive music blared out of the shops, people passing singing along happily. The whole city seemed to be celebrating, seemed to be enjoying themselves.

All except for him.

Usually, he would have avoided entering the busy streets of the city. Hence why he had been in the park. At least there, Christmas trees and that whiny music had not been thrust into his face.

The fact was, he had never had a proper Christmas.

Well, one that he could remember anyway.

He tried to stop the images of his Christmases from surfacing, but they came regardless. 

Memories of him sitting alone on his dormitory bed, the walls bare, looking outside at the people training, even though it was Christmas………

Memories of him feeling excluded as he saw people outside of his dank prison receiving gifts, food, laughing……….

How when he had approached his Grandfather with a proposed gift, which he had spent months constructing, he was shunned, his Grandfather laughing at him, and throwing the present away………..

How he would lie in bed at night, the clock striking midnight, whispering softly to himself "Happy Christmas," the only one who heard, tears falling down his cheeks, wrapping his coarse covers over his head…………...

And the worst thing was, in all these memories, for all of his _life_, he had felt lonely.

And that was almost unbearable.

Angrily, Kai gripped the envelope in his hand more tightly. He hated these memories. Which was why long ago he had decided that they didn't matter anymore……….

But the truth was, they would always matter.

His jaw was set grimly in a tight line. What the hell was he doing? He had some place to be. He had to sort out what these people wanted with him………..

It was only then that he realised he was standing in Kafner Avenue.

It was particularly busy there- he could barely see in front of him because of all the people.

Which was why it was handy for the kid who ran past him, knocking Kai into the wall, and dropping another envelope on the floor beside him.

Before Kai even had a chance to chase after him, the kid disappeared into the crowd of passers-by, unable to be distinguished.

Gingerly, Kai bent down and lifted up the envelope.

This one was heavier, and seemed to be fuller than the last.

Avoiding the crush of people, he quickly walked out of the busy avenue, and into a more sparsely populated street.

It was when he had managed to make his way back into the clearer lanes outside the center, that he opened the brown envelope. And out fell some kind of photographs………..

Kai looked again, and immediately, it hit him.

These were not ordinary photographs.

What he saw, what he was holding in his hands, were photographs of _him_…………..

A photo of him young, about five, grinning into the camera as he held up a sweater, decorations in the background………..

A photo of him even younger, smiling, standing by a magnificent Christmas tree, the golden star twinkling……….

A photo of him with a mass of presents, some kind of sauce smudged onto his face, a platter of turkey and vegetables steaming in front of him, smiling sleepily…………

They were his Christmases. His celebrations. 

What he had despised for so long…….what he had believed was pathetic………..

He had once too been as excited as those people in the streets. He had once experienced a true Christmas.

He had once been happy.

He looked up from the photographs. The trees around him were wrapped in layers of white snow, the lanes deserted, the snowflakes still falling delicately to the earth, the sun now setting, the light dim. 

Who had given him these? Who knew about these times?

The fact was, he could not remember these scenes. The boy in the pictures……..the grinning, young, innocent boy in the pictures………

He was a total stranger.

Suddenly, Kai became aware of a distant thumping….the sound of someone running.

He glanced up, and saw a shadow darting into the distance. This person………were they the key to him discovering more? Did they have some reason for showing him these pictures?

He thrust the pictures quickly into the inside pocket of his coat, and ran after the figure.

They were no longer in sight. 

However, quickening his pace, he followed the footprints set into the otherwise smooth layers of snow on the floor, his senses set firmly on reaching his target.

He did not know where he was going. He did not know his destination. Hell, he didn't even know who he was following.

But something within him……..something deep inside…………

He had the feeling that the person could explain everything. Maybe even get him out of his pathetic life as it was now, help him………..

And so he ran, the snow starting to fall more heavily, but just as soft, night beginning to encircle the Earth with its blanket of darkness, a hint of moonlight starting to illuminate the plains. 

                                                *                      *                      *

The footprints had taken him back to the park.

He was back to square one. Back to where this search had originated.

And the figure was nowhere to be seen.

The footprints were lost. The snow was falling so heavily now that any sign of marks in the snow were fast disappearing.

And Kai was alone.

All the children had long since gone back indoors, the cold starting to bite. And it was a wise decision. Anyone sane would now be indoors. It was the day before Christmas Eve after all. 

Only someone pathetic would be standing in the middle of an empty park, looking for some random person who had given him some useless photographs.

Kai wanted to grin. He wanted to laugh at himself for being pathetic. 

But he couldn't. Because he was _this close to finding out who he was. Why he had lived in that hellhole for all those years. Why he was the person who had suffered._

And now that he knew about these photos………now that he knew someone knew more about him then he ever did……… 

He had to find out more about himself. He just had to find that person.

Because all he knew was the abbey. All he knew was his Grandfather.

The last surge of memories engulfed his mind in a violent flash.

Memories of him training day in and day out, being urged by his Grandfather to work harder……….

Memories of him being yelled at, a young kid, helpless, receiving a tirade of insults and rebukes……..

His jaw quivering as he tried to hold back the tears, hurt at the comments, not understanding why everyone thought he was useless…………

The tears only falling after his Grandfather ordered his flunkies to beat him for failing a technique, the tears hot, but Kai silent………….

This was all he had known. This world of rage. This world of fear. This world of pain.

And it _hurt_.

The snow was falling still, the flakes blurring his vision, his eyes dark.

And then he saw it.

An evergreen. Its emerald pines were arranged perfectly, forked and elegant. Trickles of snow shimmered in the moonlight, the exquisite branches illuminated by a nearby streetlamp. It was small, but the size didn't matter- this was a perfect tree.

A perfect Christmas tree.

And beneath it, was a small box.

He blinked, and took a slow step towards the tree.

_That box_………was there something important in it? Was this what the wild goose chase was about?

He slowly reached the tree, and stopped just above the small box.

It was just a simple box. Card, white, compact.

He picked it up.

It was light. Not heavy at all. But there was something inside……….

Quickly, Kai opened it. He tore at the sides, ripping off the taped edges.

And he saw it: a pure white, a _snow white, long silky scarf._

It came to him: all this………this whole chase……..this whole search……..

It had been someone's way of giving him a Christmas. And this scarf was his present.

The park was completely deserted now. Not a figure in sight. There was a soft breeze, blowing the delicate snow in swirls. The moonlight created dancing twinkling lights across the frozen lake. The Christmas tree…….his Christmas tree, was a stark and elegant contrast to the pureness of the white. 

Without any hurry, without any urgency, Kai wrapped the scarf around his neck.

And for the first time in years, he felt warm.

For the first time in years, he didn't feel alone.

For the first time in such a long time, he felt happy.

And he was grateful.

                                    *                      *                      *

She could see him now.

He was standing tall, his face tipped towards the sparkling stars in the sky, the snow easily distinguishable against his dark hair.

And she was crying.

Her tears fell steadily, warm against her cheek, eyes blurring.

Only this time it was different. Because this time, she was happy.

She couldn't go up to him. She couldn't approach him. Hell, she couldn't make herself known to him.

But she could watch. And through her blurred vision, through her hot tears, she could see that for the first time in a long while, for the first time since the last time she'd seen him, he was happy.

And that was all that mattered.

She smiled through her tears. The most special fact was that he was happy because of her. Because of her gift to him.

And she knew she had to go now. 

She made her way towards the park exit, as silently as she could, trying to conceal herself, leaving. Escaping.  

The snow fell less violently now. It was delicate. The snowflakes feathery. Drifting. Soft.

And she stood there, near the gate, the midnight blue lake sparkling in the distance.

Watching.

And smiling.

As she approached the gate, she took one last look at the boy she had left for so long, at the boy she had betrayed. At the boy she had hurt. Kai. _Her Kai. _

And she was happy.

"Merry Christmas, my son," she whispered. 

---------------------------

Thanks for reading! Please review! Feedback will be most welcome. ^_^ And happy Christmas!! 


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